Why I’m super not stoked for the Ready Player One movie

This blog post contains key plot elements and major spoilers for Ready Player One.

It seems like every book these days will eventually be turned into a movie, considering Hollywood is filled with thousands of unimaginative hacks who just reboot already great films and adapt mediocre novels into action packed money magnets.

Ernest Cline’s Ready Player One is no exception.

As an avid consumer of video games, nerd culture, and classic comic books, I should have enjoyed this book. It was great, right? Packed with adventure, nerd references and most importantly “love” and “friendship”. Huffington Post called it “the grown-up’s Harry Potter.” So, ideally I  should have been crying big baby tears by the end of this. But I wasn’t. You know why?

Because this book was LITERALLY 372 pages of some mediocre ass, white, nerd boy’s masturbatory power fantasy.

Ready Player One details the world-saving adventures of mediocre nerd boy Wade “Parzival” Watts, his raven-haired manic pixie dream girlfriend Art3mis and his gaggle of politically correct team mates.

I will continue to detail my distaste with specific events in the book, but I’ll throw in a read more just in case people didn’t read the spoiler in the beginning.

In Defense of the Basic

The death of summer is apparent as leaves begin to change, pumpkins start to appear, and our summer wardrobe gets shoved to the side for scarves and longer socks.  But it’s not officially Autumn until everyone’s favorite famous siren themed coffee house announces that their ever so popular Pumpkin Spice Latte is available for consumption yet again.

Since the start of Pumpkin Spice season, I’ve read at least three separate people state that it’s now, “Basic Bitch Season”.  For those not in the know, here’s an Urban Dictionary definition of a “Basic Bitch”:

a girl who attends high school, wears Uggs, leggings, oversized sweaters, and posts pictures of her iced Starbucks white chocolate caramel soy latte on instagram and constantly makes fun of other “basic bitches” because she believes she isn’t like them.

We mock these girls who wear oversized sweatshirts, leggings, and Uggs. Why? Have you ever worn leggings as pants? It’s really frickin’ comfortable and I don’t blame them. Uggs are so soft and fuzzy. They’re great! Especially in the fall when your toes feel like they’re going to fall off. Don’t get me started with oversized sweatshirts. They’re really soft on the inside and you can pull your hands in and then hit someone with the floppy sleeves and it won’t hurt them that bad. Honestly, like the whole thing is just a combo of good, comfy things.

I used to be in this boat of ridiculing people who had a really complicated order at Starbucks, but then I would walk up to the counter and then..well…make a really complicated order.  Starbucks has a way of letting you personalize your drinks to fit your personal preference, and yet we ridicule the people, specifically young women, who do this.

Why do we do this?

My theory is that the term “Basic Bitch” is another way of forcing women to fit into a very specific gender role that they’re supposed to be in.  It’s giving a very negative connotation to a woman who dresses in a very comfortable manner (as opposed for appearance) and expresses her opinions on something that she actively enjoys.  Heaven forbid that women actually ENJOY something without being shamed for it.

If you think that I’m wrong, look at the criticism of any boy band out there.  People claim that they’re “not real music” when in reality boy bands hold a lot of power and contribute to a significant part of popular culture.  The girls who are fans of them are considered “crazed fan girls” and are often scoffed at.

Regardless of whether or not a boy band produces high quality music or not, people shouldn’t be ridiculed for enjoying their work. Much like whether or not Pumpkin Spice Lattes is real coffee or not. The consumption of these things shouldn’t be ridiculed because they don’t fit a particular standard of “high quality”.

So to all my basic bitches out there, stay basic. Love the things you love and love it LOUD. We’re constantly held back, criticized, and muffled. Don’t be afraid to unapologetically be who you are, love what you love, and wear what you want. Enjoy your iced soy caramel macchiato with an add shot because you deserve it and you should keep loving yourself.

Stay basic, bitches.

Charmed changed my life: Musings from a feminist who grew up in the ’90s

I love Charmed. I am absolutely obsessed with everything that it stands for and I will forever be in love with it despite the horrible acting, cheesy special effects, and over the top writing.  I watched Charmed the evenings that my mom was out of town and my dad had to pick me up from my grandparents house.  I sat there entranced with these three women who were essentially the most powerful women in the world and were using their power to fight evil and save the world, all under the noses of mortals.

Here I am almost 15 years later, still watching these shows loving every second of it and actively fighting people who tease me because of it. Why would I defend such a hokey, campy show about three witches? It’s so dorky!

It’s because I believe in the things that these women fight for and I understand the struggles that they go through on a regular basis because they’re still relevant and they’re still important.  Phoebe, the empath and the lover and free spirit struggles to be taken seriously in her job because she’s constantly objectified as a sexual object.  Paige, the youngest, struggles with her destiny, figuring out who she is and what her purpose is.  The one I relate to the most is Piper, the most logical of the three, who is struggling to keep her job, her family, and her magic life separate.

These women are all encountering demons that are not always necessarily demonic.  In Season 6, Piper loses her husband Leo to a higher power.  He becomes promoted essentially to a league of angels who decide on difficult decisions and she has to deal with the difficulties of raising a powerful, magical baby on her own. This is pretty similar actions that military wives have to go through, wondering when their husbands will come back, if they come back at all.

Another reason that this show just really sells it to me is that their femininity is never construed as weakness. All of these women are beautiful and sexual, because…well…they’re women. While they are all these things, they’re also so insanely powerful.  Phoebe, who doesn’t have a real physical power, trained to defend herself in the dangerous situations she’s usually put in. Piper develops the power to essentially speed molecules up (as opposed to her original power of slowing them down) to blow things up.  Paige is ruthless and savage when she fights, and most of the time she ends it with a quirky quip when it’s all over and done.  These women take on leagues of evil men (and a handfull of evil women) throughout the course of the show and it’s just so very important to see women doing these things.

Shows like this don’t happen anymore.  During this time, we had Sailor Moon, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Totally Spies, Powerpuff Girls, the reboot of Charlie’s Angels, and Xena the Warrior Princess. Now we have…what do we have? We currently have Agent Carter and what else? We’re going to have Supergirl but I honestly cannot think of a show that shows women depicting power in a superhuman sense.

I think these shows are important. The slight tilt of imagination makes our human brain think “oh this isn’t real life, but it’s still fun” but it’s still able to inject the important things that matter into it, like depicting human conflict or subtle feminist ideals. Let’s take Season 7 Episode 2 for example:

Phoebe fights for Piper to have the ability to breast feed in public.  This episode aired in 2004. Fast forward literally nine years later to when Alyssa Milano (the actress who plays Phoebe) gets flack for sharing pictures of her breast feeding her daughter on social media.

Injecting these arguments into a show that also contains a little bit of fantasy makes it easier to digest and interpret the reality.  Portraying women with fake powers on tv may make it okay to accept women with real power in real life.  Physically seeing women in power is important because then we will accept women in power in society.

Point of the matter is this: It’s 2015 and there’s less powerful women on TV now than there were in the early 2000s. Why do you think that is?

If you can think of any recent TV shows that have powerful women as the protagonist, I would love to know in the comments! 🙂

We are Most Girls: My Personal Battle with Internalized Misogyny

I attend a college that is pretty heavy on the Greek Life. I, personally, don’t understand it slash cannot stand it.  I would very much rather sit in a rocking chair drinking a box of wine with three cats on my lap while I embroider profanity onto a floral sheet of cloth than play beer pong half naked with a bunch of sweaty dudes around me cheering me on.

But that doesn’t make me better than them in any way shape or form. I am not superior to them because they prefer to do one activity while I do the other.

I have grown up in a world where it’s natural and expected to hate on women who are different then me.  I didn’t understand why until fairly recently: We’re all competing for attention. Women, I mean.  We’re competing for the attention of others, we’re all trying to stand out and prove that we’re better than each other. But for what?

Honestly, the best answer I could come up with is to get the attention of men. Which is pretty heteronormative but hey, PATRIARCHY. It’s all about the men anyways.

I’m actively trying to combat this issue in my own brain. Every time I feel my brain start to groan when I’m in line at Starbucks and there’s a group of sorority sisters standing together chatting about their next function, I actively yell at myself. NOT LITERALLY, goodness, but I chastise myself in my brain and remind myself, “Hey, they’re beautiful women who have a different preferences than you do and that’s not a problem”. And then all of the sudden my brain says, “Her shoes are really great.” or  “I wonder how she gets her hair to curl like that.” or “Damn her eyeliner is on point.”

Women are already being torn down by society through numerous different ways, I can’t even begin to count.  Our patriarchal society has demeaned us to insults and images and not really much else. If we recognize that, why should we contribute to that and start dragging it down even more?

Uplift other women. Praise other girls. Give them confidence that you will support them in their endeavors and their futures. Empower each other to be strong and beautiful, because we are strong and beautiful and deserve to be treated with respect and kindness just like every other human being on this planet.

If you want a beautiful example of this, check out this interview with Reese Witherspoon discussing Gone Girl. Hollywood loves to paint the picture of these cat fights and wars that women have with each other that don’t actually exist, when in reality these women understand the brutal nature of the business and are trying to boost each other up even more.  Shailene Woodley comments on her constant comparison with Jennifer Lawrence and she says, “I see us as separate individuals. And that’s important. As women, our insecurities are based on all these comparisons. And that creates distress.”

Women are individuals. Women are individuals who do not need to be compared and pitted against each other to be considered strong or desirable. If all of the lovely ladies of the world understand and love each other just a little bit more, we can be a much more powerful force than if we’re constantly at each other’s throats to battle for the attention of an unknown patriarchal force out that threw us into a metaphorical coliseum in the first place.

A collaborative two is much more powerful than an oppressive one.

Wear Your Superheroes and Wear Them Forever

This morning while I was perusing my first read through of social media for the day, Empire’s Comics Vault  in Sacramento posted an event that peaked my interest.  After immediately accepting the invitation, I read more about Leanna and her love for superheros that has been frowned upon due to societal gender expectations.  As much as I would love to pick this girl up, hug her to no end and tell her that all of those people deserve to be crushed by She-Hulk herself, I contributed to the social media craze that has already picked up 1.7k Facebook attendees and thousands of tweets that are currently bombarding the internet as we speak.

Adalina and Leana c/o wearyoursuperheroes.org

This trend of limiting children to their gendered toys and interests is so old and so tired.  We are one of the most developed nations in the world, yet we are so concerned about gendered stereotypes and defining what is right and what is expected for children.  When we’re young we don’t understand things like societal expectations, so when someone takes away a little girls Batmobile her first reaction and my reaction and apparently everyone’s reaction who is wearing a superhero shirt today is, “Why?!”

Simple answer: “Because it’s for boys.”

I will do this again. Why is it for boys? What makes super powered human beings who fight crime and seek justice specifically tailored for young boys?

Because superheros fit the societal ideal of masculinity.  There’s power, strength, drive, gumption, and righteousness in being a super hero.  These are the messages we want to give to our boys. That they need to be strong and powerful and to do what is right. But if we look over on the other side of the toy aisle, what do we see for girls?

Lots of pink and lots of clothes.  Doll sets that provide hair salons, kitchen sets, and spas.  So what is society telling us they want our girls to be?
I’ll let you figure out that one for yourself.

So, Leanna and family if you’re reading this: wear your superhero shirts. Wear them loud, wear them proud and tell anyone who tells you otherwise that you love superheroes as much and if not more than they do. Question them, question the world, and question society. You keep doing what you love and as Kevin G. so eloquently stated, “Don’t let the haters stop you from doing yo thang.”

Death to the Manic Pixie Dream Girl

The Manic Pixie Dream Girl (shortened to MPDG) is a trope often used in today’s media.  The term was first used by film critic Nathan Rabin, in which he stated that the MPDG  is ”that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures”.

Some famous Manic Pixie Dream Girls include Holly Golightly, Alaska Young, Giselle from Enchanted, Ramona Flowers, and literally anything portrayed by Zooey Deschanel.

Why exactly is this archetype so destructive? Well, the whole objective of the MPDG is to help the most likely sad, most likely white, most likely male protagonist to “embrace life”. (If you think I’m wrong please look at everyone of the male counterparts that I listed above)

But the problem is…women aren’t put onto this planet to help sad white men figure out their shit. They will not magically cure your sadness, they will not open your eyes for you, this is all something that the protagonist can (and should) figure out their self.  The MPDG is often romanticized so much that the protagonist falls in love with the idea of the MPDG and not the woman that she actually is. As John Green eloquently put it, “the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are.”

Another side effect I have seen happening due to the MPDG trope is the deathly horrible phrase “not like most girls.” I have seen this mostly in media targeted towards younger, teenage girls, and let me tell you this is the most dangerous area to have the MPDG floating around. When you’re a teenager, one of the most desired things is to be noticed. To see/read a story about this girl that gets all this adoring love and attention from a conventionally attractive, but awkward, boy is like reading a book of your desires. (Source: I was a teenage girl once)

But the problem is the MPDG has to stand out. She has to be different to shine above and how does she do that? By distancing herself from her peers by viewing them as lesser. 

The problem now is this superiority complex I see developing in young adult novels specifically. What writers are often forgetting as that all girls are not like most girls. What writers are forgetting is that every single girl has a different personality, different interests and different desires that everyone should respect.  

Every girl needs to know this.

There is nothing that makes an MPDG morally superior because they wear polka dots or funny socks. There is nothing morally superior to partying and dressing up. There is nothing morally superior over sticking your nose in a book versus a red solo cup.

The MPDG needs to die so women can find solidarity as individuals finding their selves instead of finding the happiness of a cute, depressed white boy.  The MPDG needs to die so young women can learn to respect the individuality of other women. 

Cut the Cat Calling, Creeps.

I have some quick advice for any guy about to call out to any woman on the street. It’s really quick and easy and it goes kind of like this:

1. See a girl you find attractive
2. Grab your head 
3. Shove it as far up your anal cavity as you can

That’s it. That’s all you have to do if you ever feel the urge to call out to a girl. 

Trust me. It works every time.

Now some people are probably pretty upset by my rude and crass advice but let me tell you, it’s nothing compared to the things that women hear on the street on a daily basis.

Cat calling is easily one of the rudest, most disgusting and disrespectful thing you could do to a person. Now you may ask, how could telling a beautiful person that they’re beautiful, be rude?

“Damn babe, I’d like to grab a piece of that ass.”

Oh, what a sweet gentleman.

“Look at the rack on THAT one.”

Wow, I should feel grateful for the attention I am getting from these lovely men.

“Hey sweetheart, I wonder if you taste as sweet as you look.”

…Really?!

In no way shape or form are any of these comments respectful. Not one.  Making unwanted sexual advances is easily the most disgusting and uncomfortable thing to encounter.  

Cat calling diminishes everything a woman is, her thoughts, opinions, dreams, ambitions, and personality to nothing. Her body, the most intimate and personal thing someone can have to their self, is distributed and commented upon like it should be critiqued in an art gallery.

I hate to break it to you, but it’s not. If you think a woman looks beautiful, keep it to yourself because most likely, she already knows that. If you want to tell a girl she looks cute, go ahead and shove your head right into the anal cavity as instructed before because she doesn’t want or need your opinion.

Women are not obligated to be nice to you because you harassed them. Women are not obligated to do absolutely anything for you because of anything. If you decide to come up and sexually harass a woman because you think she looks nice, she has every right to stop you in any way shape or form.

A woman’s body and appearance are not there for your visual pleasure.  A woman’s body is her own personal safe haven.  She is the one in control over who gets to comment on it and what goes in, on, or around it.

So shove your greasy words back down your throat, push your sweaty hands farther into your pockets and you keep your unnecessary, gropey, disgusting advances to yourself.  If you even think that you have a chance with any of these women you’re looking at, you’re wrong. 

Child’s Play

My aunt constantly reminds me about my preschool moments when she would pick me up from school and I would tell her about my day. I would tell her about the trouble makers, the math problems, and probably what I had for lunch that day. But I also remember telling her about this one boy who was so mean to me that I couldn’t muster up any other words but “stupid”. He was a “stupid” boy because he was so mean to me and I had no idea why because I didn’t do anything to him.

Now why on earth would this kid who I barely interacted with at all go out of his way to make fun of me as much as possible? Why would he torment this girl who’s never done anything to aggravate him in any way to the point of angry frustration? To the point where the only word that a 4-5 year old me can only muster up the word “stupid” over and over again to describe his actions?

My aunt told me that he treated me like that because he liked me. 

Let’s twist this situation just a little smidgen. Let’s make both kids 13 years old.  Would it be perfectly acceptable for this boy to verbally degrade, tease, and torment me as much as possible? Would that be a way to legitimately get someone to go to the dance with you? Is this an opportune moment to say, “Oh, boys will be boys!” and then smile and turn away?

Let’s twist this situation a little bit more. Let’s make both parties 30 years old and let’s say they’ve been engaged for 3 years. Would it be acceptable to say, “He’s only acting like this because he loves you” when he continually berates and humiliates his fiance?

Allowing these actions to pass by us at a young age is dangerous.  If you let actions slide when a kid is six, how will they know it’s wrong when they’re 10? If you let it slide when they’re 10, how will they know it’s wrong when they’re 18?

The point is if you’re going to teach your children to behave a certain way, you cannot let this behavior slide when they’re young. It’s misleading to let them get away with it for a few years and then suddenly turn around and condemn them for something that seemed perfectly acceptable before. 

Start from the beginning. Instead of just letting bad behaviors go, encourage good behavior. If your little man has a crush, teach him to show his new lady love and compassion. Teach him how to pick flowers for her instead of pulling her pigtails. If your little girl has a cutie on her mind, tell her to share her fruit snacks instead of pushing him to the ground. Teach your children to love and to care for other people instead of dismissing their aggressive behaviors as child’s play. 

Kids will be kids if you don’t teach them how to be adults. 

Why Girls Don’t Like Boys

Once again, this post will contain a lot of cursing and a lot of strong feelings and language because it’s a serious freaking issue.

Fair warning.

TW: Rape, Alcohol

I grew up thinking that I lived in a free country. One where everyone was equal and that we all have the same rights and it was okay to be who you are. Growing older, entering the real world you might say, has shown me that it is absolutely not that way at all. Especially for me, a young female who is still kind of on that whole rickety path of finding herself in this crazy fucked up male-dominated world.

I watched enough Law and Order: SVU with my dad to know that I should be careful when I go swing dancing with my friends on a Friday night. I’ve been told by my mom multiple times that I need to wear spandex under my dresses because you never know who’s going to be looking at you. I’ve been told by family members, male friends, and strangers on the street that I am “showing some skin”. And why is that so much of a fucking problem?

I’m not the problem, gentlemen. I shouldn’t have to cover myself up because you can’t control yourself. I shouldn’t have to keep my drink plastered to my hand all night because I should be wary of somebody drugging me just so they can get some action. I shouldn’t have to carry pepper spray around with me everywhere and I sure as hell shouldn’t have to constantly press my skirt down when I walk down the street to get coffee in the morning.

But yet, that’s how it is. THAT’S HOW IT IS. I’m living in this world where people are GLORIFYING FOOTBALL stars for their fucking horrific actions. They are blaming the victim of ruining their lives? Their futures? Their careers? Oh, I’m so sorry that taking advantage of an unconscious girl ruined YOUR life. Please, tell me how hard your fucking problems are, seeing as you gave this girl the fucking mental scarring strong enough to last her four lifetimes.

If you ever wonder why girls plaster “NO BOYS ALLOWED” on their super cool clubhouses, this is why. If you want to know why I rarely go to parties, this is why. If you want to know why I’m such a bitch to you when you’re catcalling me through my open window driving down the street, this is fucking why.

Because boys these days think it’s still abso-fucking-lutely okay to objectify women, use them as their own personal toys, and then get all fucking butt hurt about it when they’re called out about it.

What’s even crazier is that so many boys don’t even REALIZE they’re doing it. That’s how far ingrained into our brains this sick twisted culture is. I wore a skirt one day and a friend of mine said that I was “asking for it”. No?! NO. Stop right there. I was not asking anybody for anything. I may have asked someone to pass me the salt at dinner, if that’s what the “it” is referring to. . But me wearing a certain type of clothing is not me “asking” for anything. It most definitely is not an invitation for you or your genitals to frolic in mine. Because I’m pretty fucking sure that the only invitation for any type of genital frolicking to be had would be if both, let me repeat that, IF BOTH PARTIES, agree to said frolicking. I’m a thousand percent sure me wearing a skirt that day because it was warm is NOT a mass invitation for the world. 

Boys of the world, take note: women have the right to do whatever they fucking want and to be honest, you don’t have a right to fucking comment on it unless it’s physically or mentally hurting you in any shape or form. 

I heard a saying once that girls rule and boys drool. And considering that I heard that on an elementary school play ground…I find it absolutely pathetic that I’m seeing that it still holds true.